As you are
by icarusinflight
Summary: A rewrite starting with As you were, where instead of Riley returning, Faith does, and then she stays. Things happen my way. First story so all feedback appreciated. Rated M for future
1. Chapter 1

_Starting with as you were, but instead of Riley, Faith comes back._

For Buffy, it's just another night working in Fast Food Hell. Take order, serve order, repeat. Her mind drifted badly and she found herself barely even there, but when was the last time she had really been involved in the present, only her times with Spike would come to mind, which only made her retreat more into herself as she silently berated herself for allowing it to keep happening. That's when she noticed that someone was watching her and she knew that she'd missed something. She said her normal line and then she looked up.

"B"

"Faith. It's you." If possible Buffy felt her mind melting. Why was Faith back? Why was Faith here? And why in the world did she have to her dressed like this?

And that was when she realised that Faith had been talking.

"..and that's why I came straight here" Faith finished looking at her, expectantly.

Buffy just stared at her. She could tell that Faith felt uncomfortable under her gaze and saw her shift her weight between her feet.

"What are you doing Faith? What are you doing **here**?"

Faith fidgeted again. "Could we go somewhere else B?" none of her former cockiness was present, and it sounded almost as though she was begging Buffy to come with her.

"Umm.." Buffy looked around the Doublemeat hell she was trapped in, didn't she want to leave? Wouldn't she have given anything just two minutes ago to leave?

"Barry" she called out "I have a family emergency, can someone cover me?"

Barry barely looked up at the request "Whatever, be in tomorrow."

* * *

They walked out together and Buffy could tell Faith was nervous. _Should I be nervous too?_ She wondered, and she found herself not caring, Faith could do whatever she wanted to her life now, she just couldn't find herself to care. Buffy led them to a park bench, she sat on one side and Faith sat on the other, they should have been looking at each other, but Faith took the moment to look at her shoes and Buffy took the opportunity to do the same, only with no intention of looking back up.

Faith hesitated, now she was here, this all seemed like such a terrible idea, she had expected a reaction from Buffy, had expected a throw down, hence why she thought she would meet her in a public place. But Buffy gave her nothing. Was she always like this now, or was it something Faith had brought out? Should she be more worried about it? Either way she had to start the conversation somehow.

"Ummm, so I'm out of prison."

"mm-hmm" was the only response she got from Buffy.

"And I came back"

"Noticed." Was the only response she got from the blonde. The blonde appeared to be staring intently into her lap, but Faith could tell she wasn't really paying attention to that either.

"Do you" Faith started, stumbling on the words, this was not how she expected this to go down "Am I allowed to be here? I know last time I was here I kind of wrecked shop, I messed around with you B, and with your friends & your boyfriend" She cringed slightly, expecting some response from Buffy from that, but she was still getting nothing from Buffy "And I want to make it better, I want to make up for what I did, I want to make it up to you"

"So you're sticking around then?" Buffy said, finally looking up at Faith.

When their eyes met, Faith was shocked by what she saw, Buffy's eyes were usually so animated, but they just looked so empty, there was no anger, but Faith could see the pain in those beautiful eyes. What could have happened to cause the pain she was seeing?

"With your blessing of course, if you want me to move on, I'm out of here" _Please don't tell me to go_ Faith thought, _I've got nowhere else to go._

Buffy had dropped her eyes again "You want to stay here, stay here, slay if you want, but keep the craziness to a minimum, otherwise I will stop you"

There were the words Faith had been expecting the whole time, but not like that. The way Buffy had said it, not like a threat, there was no animosity in her words, just sadness and pain.

"I won't. I'm trying Buffy and I thought maybe you would help. And I know I have no right to ask, after everything I have done, but I need it. If you could help me, if you wanted to, I want to be better, but I want someone to watch me and make sure I don't fail. You can be my sober slaying coach."

Buffy laughed at that, a laugh that sounded almost hysterical. Faith thought maybe this was the reaction she had expected, to have Buffy laugh in her face and tell her to get out of her life, but she didn't "Sure, whatever, if you think it will help."

Faith was still puzzled at Buffy's reactions, she hadn't actually seemed to be laughing at her, it was like she was laughing at a private joke. Which was weird, the scoobies had always been weird, but Buffy's behaviour was bordering on bizarre.

As if in time with that thought Buffy got up and started walking away. Almost as an afterthought she turned back to Faith "Well I guess rehab starts now, are you ready to slay?

At that Faith jumped up, they were Slayer's, it's what they do and it couldn't get more normal than that could it?

* * *

Slaying was not normal. Buffy seemed on edge, and was definitely not her talkative self. So Faith babbled to fill the gap. "I bet you're wondering how I got out, why I'm not in prison.."

Buffy just shrugged.

Faith was going to tell her anyway, she wanted to explain, and let her know it wasn't just her running away.

"I know what I did was wrong, I have a lot to atone for, a lot to make up for and a lot of forgiveness to ask for and don't think I'm shirking that. But I think I can do more out here" Faith waited for a response and when she got none, decided to continue "I didn't get charged with murder... my confession was inadmissible, apparently the detective got thrown out of the precinct shortly after and that made my confession unusable or something. So I did my time for the other crimes and now I'm out."

Faith waited again for Buffy to say something, anything, but Faith may as well have been talking to herself, or her cell wall. Maybe this was the time to try bringing up their past?

"Buffy last time we met, I just wanted to say"

Buffy stopped still at those words and turned to look at Faith with those empty eyes

"Not now Faith" A demon chose to attack just then so Faith couldn't be sure if that was why she'd stopped her, or the topic of their conversation.

The demon charged at Faith with a roar. And she froze. This wasn't something she had had to deal with for a while, and she just froze up.

Buffy didn't hesitate, she threw herself in front of Faith and she shoved her aside, faith slammed into the ground hard and looked up to see the demon carry Buffy and slam her into a tree, hard. She hesitated and got caught up watching Buffy, as she proceeded to ferociously attack the demon before grabbing a stake from her pocket and shoving into the place a humans heart would be. The demon let out another roar, before turning and running.

Faith stayed where she was on the ground and watched Buffy watching the fleeing demon before moving to help Faith up. She held out a hand to the dark slayer, but when Faith went to grab it, she gasped in pain.

"What happened?" Buffy asked and she gave her a once over with her eyes. Faith felt warm as Buffy's gaze wondered over her, she was almost blushing. Buffy moved to grab Faith's sides and help her up. Faith inhaled sharply at Buffy's touch and her hands on her hips. Thoughts flashed through her mind, Buffy and Faith slaying, dancing together, of fighting, of being Buffy and Riley's hands on her, of fighting Buffy as herself.

Faith shook her head as she got to her feet and Buffy let go of her. Everything that had passed between them, no wonder Buffy was acting strange around her.

"I think, I think maybe I've dislocated my shoulder, I'm still a bit rusty I think."

"Let's go back to mine. We'll get you sorted out there."

Faith gulped. Well this was what she wanted wasn't it?


	2. Chapter 2

_This has a lot of exposition, and I'm a bit worried that the way I've paced it may leave people a little bored. So I'll try and update regularly, although in all honesty it will probably only happen a maximum of once a week._

* * *

Buffy wasn't sure if taking Faith home was the best idea. She didn't know how the rest of the household would react to her, but she couldn't think of anything else. Faith was definitely not up to scratch for patrolling and even if she was, Buffy didn't really want her around right now, she was used to patrolling alone, she was used to being alone. She could tell that Faith could tell something was off, but she didn't know how to pretend everything was okay and seven if she did, she didn't know if she could be bothered to pretend.

As they approached the door Buffy was only mildly concerned about the reaction to Faith. The thought did occur to her that if everyone spent more time worrying over Faith, Buffy might be left alone more.

Buffy opened the door and called out to whoever was inside "Hey! I'm home and I could do with a little help"

There was a loud sound and Dawn suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"What happened Buffy, did you get hurt?" she asked her voice clearly full of concern. And then she saw Faith standing behind Buffy. "What is she doing here?" she asked her voice suddenly icy cold. She looked from Buffy to Faith and back to Buffy, who shrugged.

"Willow" she called, turning and exiting the room as quickly as she had arrived.

"Willow's over?" Faith asked nervously.

"She lives here now." Buffy told her, waiting to see if Faith would ask more, but for now at least Faith remained silent. "Let's put your shoulder back in." She said as she led Faith into the kitchen. She saw Dawn and Willow looking through the lounge room at them as they walked past.

"Sit down" she told Faith, and Faith did as she was told. Faith moved her bad shoulder towards her and she grabbed the arm and braced against Faith. "You ready?" She asked, when Faith nodded she pulled the arm until she felt the unmistakable pop of the joint going back in.

Faith let out the breath she had been holding "Thanks B."

She shrugged "It happens, I'll be right back"

She walked out to Willow and Dawn, who were furiously whispering back and forth. As soon as they noticed her Dawn turned on her.

"Why is she here Buffy?" she demanded

She sighed, _this was just another thing that was her fault wasn't it? Couldn't the whole Faith saga be attributed as her fault? Why hadn't she been better, more helpful, less dying?_

"I don't know really, I think she wants to... Atone for what she did..."

Dawn gave a short harsh laugh "That would take a while, like forever."

Buffy sighed again "I know Dawnie, but at least she is trying. You want to give her a hard time for what she has done, that's fine, I get that, and she probably deserves that. But also give her credit for coming back. That's got to count for something right?"

Willow spoke up "I don't know Buffy. How do we know that's really why she's back?"

"We don't and trust me she won't just be left to her own devices, and she has asked me to be her... Sober Slayer companion" Buffy told them, repeating Faith's words.

"So she's in murder rehab now?" Dawn asked sarcastically.

"I don't know Dawn, but I will keep an eye on her. We will see what happens." She replied, rubbing her temples.

"And what if she's out for you again?" Dawn asked her voice full of concern as she stepped closer to Buffy watching her reaction.

"I think if she was out for my blood, she'd already have it. I think she wants to fix this, to fix her and it's not going to be easy for her or for us, but we should help her. It's the right thing to do."

"Okay Buffy" Dawn said as she stepped closer to put her arm around her sister "Just be careful okay?"

"I will Dawnie, now I know this is asking a lot, but could you please make her something to eat?" she pleaded to Dawn.

"Okay. But what is it with you and murderers? One day we will have to have an intervention or something" Dawn said as she walked away.

"So what happened Buffy?" Willow asked as soon as Dawn had left the room.

Buffy chose the easiest way to interpret that answer "She froze at our first demon, got herself hurt, I don't think she's quite ready to be back in the game yet. Could you patch her up? Her shoulder really needs wrapping."

"Sure thing, but I meant more about how we got to have Faith here in the first place, what did she say? And how is she out of prison already?" Willow wanted all the details, but Buffy didn't want to give them, she just felt like she needed to get away.

"I think that's her story Will." Buffy moved towards the door "I've got to get back out patrolling anyway. Let Faith know that she can have my bed. I'll take the couch tonight."

Buffy made her exit quickly and made out for patrolling again. She knew she'd end up at Spike's eventually, it was the only place that made her feel. She probably wouldn't have made it to her bed anyway, so Faith may as well make use of it.

* * *

Faith sat silently in the kitchen while Dawn noisily made her something to eat. To say the silence was tense was an understatement, Dawn had told her she was only doing this because Buffy had asked her to, and she had no doubt that was true.

She figured she should try to talk to Dawn, to let her know that all she wanted was to help, to make up for her past wrongs.

"So how have things been going Dawnie?"

"Since when do you care? And don't call me Dawnie." Dawn snapped at her.

"Okay, and I'm sorry, and I always cared it's just..."

"You decided you'd rather be a homicidal murderer and kidnap my sister's body? What was your fascination with her anyway? You just had to try and ruin everything that she had." Dawn ranted as she continued thundering around the kitchen.

Why had she tried to ruin Buffy's life? Why did she attack Angel and sabotage her and Riley? She wasn't going to share that with Dawn. But she would have to one day with Buffy, and the thought gave her chills.

"I deserved that, I know, but that's not me anymore. I'm not going to hurt you, or Buffy, or your mum again. Speaking of Joyce how is she?"

Dawn finished the sandwich at the same time as Willow entered the kitchen. She placed the sandwich down in front of Faith and stalked out, leaving Faith alone with Willow. Faith didn't know how to deal with Willow, whether she should talk to her or leave her alone, they'd never got along anyway, but she never used to be this awkward around people, she used to know how to act, what to say. For now she figured no one could begrudge her eating her sandwich, and she was famished.

Willow saved her internal agonising and talked to her first "So if you're back in town, there are probably a few things you should know. Firstly, Joyce is... umm, she passed away last year."

It felt like to Faith like she had been punched in the gut "How did it happen?"

"It was a brain aneurism. Nothing could be done, she had been sick for a while and then, yeah, she just... Buffy came home and found her. It was really hard on Buffy and Dawn, and she's given up a lot to take care of Dawn... She's sacrificed everything."

There was something about the way Willow said that, and Faith just had to know "What's everything?"

Willow looked away and she could see the pain on her face "That's Buffy's business. You should ask her. But she's not at college anymore and she's bringing Dawnie up, as well as working her job... "

_Well that explained the job then_ "Where is Buffy now?" she asked, she hadn't seen the other slayer since Buffy helped put her shoulder back in.

"She went out slaying. She does that a lot. She said you should take her bed tonight."

Faith went to protest, but was cut off by Willow "Listen she'll probably be out all night patrolling, but if she comes home she sleeps on the couch half the time anyway. She asked me to strap your shoulder too."

Faith shook her head "It'll be fine, you know slayer healing. I think I'll just go to bed." She didn't feel tired, but the alternative was hanging around awkwardly, so she figured that was the better option.

Willow just nodded, so Faith made her way upstairs.

Sleep was the last thing she wanted and as she made her way into Buffy's room, she knew she wouldn't be able to. Her mind was running around. Joyce was dead, and Buffy was, different, she didn't know what had happened, but something had.

As she took off her boots and slipped into the bed she felt like she was surrounded by Buffy, she could almost believe Buffy was here with her. Except she could never be in here if Buffy was in the room.

The smell and surroundings brought back memories and this time her thoughts went to when she found out Angel was back. Her pain, her anger and her betrayal came flooding back to her. She felt betrayed by the fact that Buffy hadn't told her, hadn't wanted to tell her. She had been afraid that Angel being back would ruin what they'd had, but Angel hadn't done that, she'd done it all on her own.

She'd lashed out at Angel and at it was all over Buffy had made the effort, but Faith had been hurt, and she hadn't known how to react, so she'd pushed her away.

What Buffy hadn't known, couldn't know, was the other reason for her pain, her feelings for Buffy. The feelings she had kept trying to push away, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't ignore them, and couldn't pretend to herself anymore that they didn't exist.

Faith sat up. She wasn't getting any sleep tonight, not with her memories haunting her. Her mind drifted to the demon they had fought earlier in the night. It was still out there and Buffy was patrolling out there with it. _Screw it_, _may as well go patrolling._

She looked at Buffy's window, the famous escape route and she figured she may as well do it once, so she made her exit.

* * *

She had already checked three of Sunnydale's cemeteries and hadn't found any trace of the demon or Buffy. As she walked through the current cemetery she thought she heard Buffy, without hesitating she headed towards the crypt she thought she heard the noises coming from and threw open the door.

Nothing could have prepared Faith for what she saw. And the betrayal she had felt before resurfaced. _Of course_ she though, _Buffy and her vampires._

The pair looked up at the noise she had caused and Buffy to her credit looked ashamed at being caught in the act with Spike. Spike however just smirked at her, and she wanted to wipe that smirk of his face.

"Faith" Buffy whispered, but Faith still heard her.

She turned around and left, she didn't want anything more to do with this, and she just didn't trust herself around them right now.

As she was walking away she heard Buffy calling her name, and asking her to stop. When she felt a hand on her shoulder she couldn't stop herself, she turned around and punched her as hard as she could in the face.

Buffy just crumbled to the ground and she noticed Buffy was crying.

"Just please" Buffy gasped, hugging her legs into her body "please don't tell anyone."

"Oh Buffy" she said and she knelt down in front of the distraught blonde. She placed her hands onto Buffy's knees "Buffy what are you doing?"

"I just" she gasped between sobs "He makes me feel. I just don't feel anything."

"Why?" Faith asked "How did it get to this Buffy?"

Suddenly Faith heard a familiar growl _seriously?_ C_ould it choose a worse time?_

The demon charged them again, and this time Faith knew exactly what she wanted to do. Luckily she came prepared. She ran at the charging demon and stabbed the stake into its throat, then used the embedded stake to flip onto the demons back. She placed her hands on the demons head and twisted until she heard a snap, then she jumped off to watch the demon fall to the ground. When she looked back to Buffy she saw that the other slayer was still hunched over. Slowly she walked back over to the blonde and knelt in front of her again

"What happened Buffy?"

Buffy didn't look up from her lap but she spoke quietly "Can we go for a walk?"

Faith thought it was a random request. She didn't know if it was Buffy's way of avoiding the topic, but she didn't have anything to lose.

They walked out of the cemetery and came to a grave. Buffy collapsed to her knees in front of the grave. Faith looked to the name on the tombstone.

"Buffy" she gasped.

Buffy didn't say anything, she just kept looking at the ground, and Faith just wanted to take her in her arms. So she moved to sit next to Buffy and wrapped her arm around Buffy.

"B" she asked "what happened?"

"I made a choice. I had to do it to save Dawn."

"And how are you, well, not dead?"

"They brought me back"

Faith wasn't sure who 'they' was, but she could guess it involved Willow and Xander.

She looked at the grave again and recognised a familiar pattern on the grave.

"B, when you , came back, where did you come back?" she thought she knew the answer, but she really didn't want to be right.

"They didn't know. They thought it didn't work. But it did. They thought they were rescuing me." Faith almost missed what Buffy said next "I wish they hadn't"

"Why B?"

"I was dead, and finished. I was happy, wherever I was I was happy. When I came back, it was like being in hell."

"Oh Buffy" She squeezed Buffy closer as they both looked at the now redundant grave.

"Spike was easy. He didn't expect anything or want anything from me. I could just be me, and get away from everyone, and stop having to pretend."

"I'm not one to judge B" _but I wish you weren't doing this_ "If it makes you happy"

"But it doesn't. What we have... it's dragging me further away from everything, but I'm just not strong enough to stop."

"Buffy" Faith placed her hand on Buffy's chin and turned her chin to look into her eyes "You are the strongest person I know. Sure, you're a little lost tight now. But if you want to, you can and if you need help, I'll be there to help. I won't tell your secret, but you have to, but you have to know there's a reason you have kept it a secret." Looking into Buffy's eyes, Faith wanted to tell her so much more, she wanted to be the one to help her feel alive, but she knew that wasn't what Buffy needed now, and this time around she wanted to be there for Buffy.

Buffy looked away from Faith "I need to sort this out. Can I meet you back at the house?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

Buffy shook her head "Thanks, but I need to do this myself, I'll meet you there, or I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll wait up. See you there"

* * *

While Faith waited up she thought about their situation. She hoped they could reconcile, but where would they go from there? She didn't know what she would do about it, but for Buffy's sake, for now she would put them aside.

When Buffy snuck in the front door Faith went to meet her.

Buffy looked surprised to see her "You waited up."

"Couldn't sleep" she lied "Come sit down for a bit"

She sat down on the couch and pulled Buffy into an embrace, Buffy's back up against her. Buffy fell asleep quickly.

As Faith started to fall asleep she couldn't help but think this might be harder than she initially thought.


	3. Chapter 3

_This chapter was really hard for me, stuff had to happen, it was hard, and working out how to make it happen was hard. So forgive me for taking so long with it, and for this chapter. The next chapter will be up sooner._

* * *

Buffy woke suddenly to the sound of an elephant thundering down the stairs, who she fondly referred to as Dawn.

Still half asleep, she went to move to get up and meet her sister, but felt herself trapped by something. Her first instinct was to get away as quickly as possible, so she ripped whatever it was off her and scrambled away, only then looking back to what had been restraining her. Which had apparently been a very sleepy Faith, who now looked very confused at what had just occurred.

The noise she had created brought Dawn rushing into the room.

"What happened Buffy?" She asked, looking from Buffy on the floor to Faith on the couch.

"Sorry Dawn" She knew she had to convince her sister it hadn't been Faith's fault "I didn't mean to scare you, I just had nightmare."

"Okay" Dawn was still watching Faith suspiciously, who was oblivious to Dawn's gaze because she was still watching Buffy with the confused look on her face. "I'm making breakfast do you want anything?"

She wasn't hungry at all, which wasn't unusual for her "I'm fine Dawn, make sure you have something healthy"

Dawn rolled her eyes as she left to go to the kitchen and Buffy could hear her muttering something under breath.

Buffy went back to the kitchen and sat down, carefully sitting as far from Faith on the couch as possible.

"Sorry about that" She said to Faith, not looking at her.

"No need to apologise B, but do you mind telling me what happened just now?"

"I'm just... I woke up and I didn't realise it was you, I just thought I was trapped."

"Got it" Faith grinned at her "No little spoon for you"

Buffy smiled a little that. _Only Faith_ she thought.

"So what's the plan for today B? Maybe a bit of you showing me what's new in old Sunny Dee?"

"If you want to look around, that's fine, but I can't got stuff I have to get done around here."

"Tonight then?"

Buffy shook her head "Work, then patrol"

"So you're stuck all day doing chores?"

"Apart from work and patrol, pretty much, yeah." It had been the same cycle for a while now, house work, work, patrol, Spike, then sleep, get up repeat, all while trying to keep up the facade that she was fine and happy.

"That's a bit unfair, since I was staying here last night, how about we split the chores. We get it finished and then spend some time on the town?"

"If you're sure you want to?"

"Course B, we're the chosen two, let's share the duties" She walked to the door "Let's get doing this"

* * *

Doing chores with Buffy had been, dare Faith even think it, kind of fun, they'd talked a bit, a comfortable conversation most of the day. And sometimes Buffy had even smiled, and when she did Faith could see some of the old Buffy coming through.

But the best part was now they had finished with half a day left to do whatever they wanted to do. So Faith decided she would try and make sure Buffy had some time off.

"So what now B? What should we do for fun?"

"I, umm, I don't really know."

"Okay, so it's up to me then? I'll make sure to show you a hell of a day then"

She smiled, a little smile, which still warmed Faith to see it. "Okay then, Miss happy funtime, bring it on then"

"Alright then, I was thinking, in all my time here, I never went to the zoo, so how about we grab a bite to eat and head there."

"The zoo" Buffy pulled a face "I've had some bad experiences there"

_How can you have bad experienced at the zoo? _"What happened?"

"Xander got possessed by Hyena, he was a bit of a jerk, and then he ate a pig."

"What?"

"Yeah it was him and some other people from school. They ate the school pig, who was just adorable by the way, and then they ate the school principal."

"Xander ate the school principal?" Faith yelled in her surprise.

"What? No no no, I knocked him out, so he missed that thankfully."

"Well that's a relief. Only Xander hey?"

"Yeah, only him."

"Well I still think zoo. How about we give you some good memories?"

"Okay" Buffy got up off the couch "Let's do this then."

* * *

Buffy wasn't sure why she had agreed to come out with Faith. The only reasons she had left the house lately had been slaying, work or Spike related.

Maybe she did have a thing for people who tried to kill her – maybe Dawn was right. But she didn't think Faith was going to kill her. Or maybe she just didn't care.

But Faith hadn't shown any homicidal indications, if anything it was the question was, what was Faith doing? And what was Buffy doing?

Faith had insisted they get lunch before going to the zoo. So now they were sitting silently eating at the Sunnydale cafe.

"You actually going to eat that B? Or just keep pushing it around?"

Buffy looked down at her chicken salad. She'd picked at it, at best, by contrast Faith's plate had been decimated, there were just a few chips left.

"You want some?" She asked Faith

Faith raised her eyebrow at her, and looked down at her own plate, then she shrugged "I'll have a bit, want some chips?" Faith pushed her own plate to the middle of the table, and reached over to pick at Buffy's own salad.

Buffy grabbed a chip and popped it into her mouth.

"Mmmm, that's really good"

Faith smiled at her "Help yourself B."

She kept picking at Faith's chips until she got down to the last chip. She stopped eating and looked at Faith.

"You want the last chip B?"

She shook her head "Thanks, but I'm done. Plus they're your chips."

"Well I'm done, plus I had what's left of your salad, so I'm good. So I guess let's go then"

Faith got up out of the booth and went to follow. As she did she grabbed the last chip and stuffed it into her mouth.

* * *

They were looking at the zoo map, it had a little cartoon pictures of the animals.

"What's your favourite B?"

"I, umm, don't really have one."

"How can you not?"

"I just... everything reminds me of monsters now."

"That's just sad B. Have you ever heard of leaving the job behind."

"That just doesn't happen with slaying. Comes with the job. Do you have one then?"

"Of course, but I'll tell you when we get there. Let's try starting one side and go all the way through. We have to make sure we see everything. Except the reptiles of course." She smiled at Buffy expectantly.

"Thank you, reptile monsters are the worst. So where do we start then?

She put the map in her back pocket and pulled Buffy with her "Otters first. Let's do this."

* * *

"So this is your favourite?"

"Yup. Did you know when members of the pack are sick the other members take care of them until they get better? And they always let the pups eat first? And just wait till you see their ears!"

"You sure know a lot about them. Can I see them now?"

"Okay, but first wait here, I want to look first, then you can see them."

Buffy raised an eyebrow "Fine, I'll wait."

Faith snuck around the corner to see the enclosure and she was so happy with what she saw. She went back to her impatiently waiting companion.

"Oh you are in for a surprise today. Wait till you see this."

They walked around the corner to the enclosure view point together.

"Are they puppies?"

"Yup"

Buffy read from the plaque "African Painted Dog, Endangered. Look at them, there must be over a dozen puppies in there!"

"It says here that although the puppies are born to one pair, the whole pack takes care of them."

"They're amazing" Buffy said, her eyes not leaving the playing animals "They look like they're having so much fun."

* * *

"Thank you for bringing me. Maybe we can come back another time?"

"Sure B." Faith would bring her back 100 times if she would smile like she had while watching the animals "Anytime"

They'd left enough time to get back to the Summer's house, have dinner and for Buffy to get to work.

As they walked through the front door Buffy found herself face to face with a very angry Xander.

"Where have you been Buffy?" He was almost yelling at her "We've been worried and looking everywhere for you. What's got into you?"

"Excuse me? What do you mean by that?"

She noticed Faith not so sneakily duck out form behind her and go into the kitchen.

Xander grabbed her arm and moved her further down the hallway. "What are you doing hanging around with her? Have you forgotten what she did to you? To all of us?"

"Of course not. But who doesn't make mistakes? And I think she's trying to change"

"What if she's not? How do you know she's not going to little miss likes-stabbing-things again?"

Buffy sighed, suddenly she felt exhausted, and completely over this. She had been having such a good day. "You know what? I don't have to explain myself to you. Think what you want. I have to get ready for work."

She left Xander at the bottom of the stairs staring after her as she stomped away and slammed the door of the bathroom behind her.

* * *

Faith had heard it all from the kitchen, she hadn't been trying to, but it was pretty hard to avoid hearing them. She wasn't surprised at Xander's reaction, but she felt bad for leaving Buffy to handle it, and for the fact that just her being here was causing so much trouble between Buffy and her friends. She didn't want to cause trouble anymore, those times were in her past, but it didn't seem to matter, trouble followed her anyway.

She heard Xander unceremoniously slam the door on the way out _Does everyone here slam doors every time they're angry?_ So she decided to leave her hiding spot and try to talk to Buffy.

She could see Dawn and Willow watching from the couch, but she ignored them as she made her way up the stairs. She could hear that Buffy was having a shower so she sat down in front of her bedroom door to wait for her.

Her thoughts drifted as she waited. _What if she was doing the wrong thing? What if I'm only making things worse by being here? She's obviously having problems, but now I've just made more problems by being here… Maybe I should leave, but I feel like I can't, I can't leave her now, if theres anything I can do to help, I want … But I'm no good at this, I've never been any good at this, all I've ever been good at is making trouble._

The sound of the bathroom door opening snapped Faith out of her thought train and she looked up to see Buffy walk out of the bedroom.

In just a towel. A towel that just came down to her thighs, wrapped tight around her body and tucked in at her chest. She dropped her gaze to her lap, she didn't want to be ogling Buffy in a towel.

"Hi" Buffy said, still standing in the doorway.

"Hi" Faith replied, not looking up when she spoke to her. She could see to Buffy's knees and that was enough for her.

"Ummm Faith"

"Yeah"

"I need you to move. You're blocking the door to my room."

Faith jumped up and stood aside, still not looking at Buffy as she walked into her room and shut the door. She sat back down against the door, she could hear Buffy moving around in the room.

"So what do you want Faith" she heard Buffy say through the door.

She gulped, she had to do this know. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. Since I've been here I've done nothing but get you into trouble with your friends. I'm so sorry, i didn't mean for that to happen."

She heard Buffy give a harsh laugh "It's not you, it's me, or them. I don't know which, but it's not your fault they're upset, and it's not up to me to do everything in my life to please them."

Faith couldn't help but agree with her, but she knew there was more to it than that "I know where you're coming from B, but it's more than just that. They need to back off, I agree, but I also know they're just being like that cause they concerned about you" _I am too _"you can't blame them for being concerned, after last time I was here, if they weren't concerned I'd be worried. But I'll make it up to them, and I'll let them know that I can be trusted again."

* * *

Buffy was just finishing up her shift at the doublemeat hell, it hadn't been a bad shift, just the same as any day before.

She knew Faith would be waiting outside for her when she finished, but she didn't feel up to meeting her yet, she figured she would get changed, she never left work in that uniform if she could help it.

She finally made her way out, feeling a little but more human, to find Faith waiting for her.

"Took you a while B. Time to bust a move?"

"Yeah, let's get out of here."

They walked out to the cemetery in silence,

Buffy hadn't been paying attention, she knew that she was lost in her thoughts, of all the problems with her friends and her life. So when the vampire caught her unaware with its attack, she should have noticed it before she was being flung to the ground, but she didn't.

It hurt, a lot, and when Buffy looked back to get up she saw that Faith had already taken the vampire on. She watched as Faith landed hit after hit on the vampire _She's got it back_ she thought to herself. Faith pulled a stake from her pants and drove it into the vampires heart, resulting in the tell tale cloud of dust.

_It's all hopeless_ she thought and she burst into tears.

"B" Faith called out and ran over to her only "B are you okay, are you hurt?"

She just sat and cried

Faith knelt down to talk to her "B, are you okay? I'm here for you if you need me"

"Why are you? Why is anyone? I'm not worth it, I'm nothing anymore."

"Oh Buffy, can't you see? You're worth this, and so much more."

"Why are you doing this? I didn't help you."

"Because you're just lost Buffy. And sometimes you don't need to be the hero."

Faith wrapped her arms tight around Buffy and held her until she finished crying.

Faith rubbed Buffy's back as she gasped for air. "Do you feel better now?"

Buffy nodded her head

"Okay," She hugged Buffy tight again "Let's go home B"


	4. Chapter 4

Just a short one this time. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Faith was sitting on Buffy's bed, watching Buffy slowly rotating in a horrible green dress, Buffy was staring into the mirror, a less than pleased look on her face at what she saw.

And Faith was laughing at her, which earned her a scathing look.

"Shut up you." Buffy said, tossing a hairbrush at the cackling Faith, which missed, which had to be on purpose, Faith knew she could have hit her if she wanted to.

"I'm sorry B" She gasped,

"No. You're not"

"No I'm not" She conceded, forcing herself to stop laughing "But B, It's so horrible"

"Well the other option was molten lava."

Faith snorted "Have you asked if that's still an option?"

"Oh haha, you're so funny. Would you prefer I went like this?" And Buffy pulled the horrid dress off over her head and dropped it on the ground.

Faith's mind went a million miles a minute.

_She's not wearing a bra._

_Of course she's not wearing a bra, she commonly goes without a bra._

And then she realised she was staring. _Oh god, I'm checking Buffy out, I need to stop_

Buffy moved closer to Faith "Do you like what you see Faith?" She asked Faith

Faith still couldn't find a way to get any words out, and she kept looking Buffy up and down, Buffy was wearing her adorable little half smile, as she moved closer to Faith again, before sitting down on Faith and placing her legs either side of Buffy's legs.

"Buffy what are – "

Buffy silenced her with her lips, a soft chaste kiss that quickly gave way as Faith felt Buffy's tongue on hers. Suddenly it wasn't there anymore

Buffy moved to Faith's ear "Hush now" she whispered sending shivers down Faith's back.

Buffy pushed Faith down onto her back on the bed. She moved her right knee between Faith's legs and applied pressure with it.

Faith gasped out in pleasure and Buffy caught her mouth in her lips again. How could Buffy be making her feel so good? She'd given up asking herself what Buffy was doing, or why, and just went with it.

Buffy's lip left hers and moved down to her ear lobe and she pulled on it gently with her teeth

"mmmm"

Buffy's lisp continued down her neck and Faith noticed Buffy's hand moving down her body, her fingers traced lightly over her stomach, sending butterflies through it. Buffy's fingers came to rest at Faith's buckle, before swiftly undoing her jeans. She hesitated for just a moment before slipping her hand inside Faith's jeans. Buffy's hand moved further down before she started grabbing at her opening, making long rough movements against her pussy.

Faith moaned again, how could this be feeling so good. Suddenly Buffy's hand up, and slipped under Faith's underwear, Faith moaned in anticipation

Suddenly she felt a searing pain in her stomach, she looked down to see Buffy's hand now grasping a knife, her knife that was buried in her stomach.

Buffy looked into her eyes "What were you expecting Faith" She asked a chillingly cold look in her eyes that froze Faith. She leant down to Faith's ear and whispered "You're bad Faith, It's all you've ever been, and it's all you'll ever be"

"NO!" She screamed jerking up into a sitting position. Faith looked down at her stomach, her fingers searching along with her eyes. They found nothing but an old scar. Faith then looked around at her surroundings to find she was in the basement. She slowly started remembering, She'd come down to the basement to sleep tonight, foregoing her normal spot on the couch

She heard movement outside, and she knew it would only be one person

"Faith?" a name called out to her in the dark, confirming her hunch.

She heard the steps coming down the stairs "Are you okay? I heard you upstairs."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"

Buffy shrugged "I wasn't sleeping. Are you okay?"

"Yeah" _not really_ "Just a bad dream"

"What happened?" Buffy had been slowly making her way down the stairs, she hesitated there for a moment, before joining Faith sitting on the bed. "If you want to tell me that is"

_I had a dream where we were having sex, and then you stabbed me_. "It was the wedding day, and you were trying on that dress, remember?"

Buffy nodded "And you were teasing me endlessly about it"

Faith smiled at that part of the memory, she had been having fun on that day, Buffy and Faith had been getting along really well, and even Willow and Dawn had been accepting her "Yeah, that's right. But then things went strange."

"Strange how?"

Faith knew she would ask that question. But she didn't want to tell Buffy what she had done, not the sex, not the stabbing. But she knew she'd have to confess about something. _What if dream Buffy was right, what if that's all Buffy really thinks of me._ She looked over at Buffy, who was watching her, her eyes full of concern.

Buffy must have noticed something, because she put her arm around Faith and pulled her into her side "You don't have to tell me Faith, but if something is hurting you, I want to be able to help"

That got Faith "I know it was just a dream, but, things went strange, and then bad, you, you stabbed me, and you told me I was bad, that all I'd ever be was bad."

"Oh Faith" She said and gave her a little squeeze. She then placed her hands on Faiths cheeks and brought her to look into her eyes "I know that's not you. I don't care what you've done in the past, I know you're not bad, but do you?"

Buffy knew she wasn't bad? Faith knew that Buffy had been being nice to her, but she didn't think Buffy thought she wasn't bad, she figured it was probably sympathy.

"Faith, you need to start forgiving yourself for the mistakes you've made. You're trying to make up for them. And I'll help you every step of the way"

Faith felt tears sting her eyes, she hugged Buffy tight and cried it all out onto Buffy's shoulder.


End file.
